Mr. Disco’s Daily Grade

Week UN:

Mardi, 3rd Février
-30 points: Not Participating
-20 points: Sitting in the wrong seat
-50 points: Making sexual innuendos to students
-20 points: Using profanity
-40 points: Indecent buttcrack/g-string exposure
-10 points: Calling LavaLife personals hotline in the middle of class
-20 points: Not repaying loans from Cash Point
-50 points: Accidentally calling his mum on LavaLife Hotline
-60 points: Taking his car title to LoanMax
-15 points: Pooping in the lobby of the Capitol Building
-5 points: Making sexual advances to Ms. Hoffman
-10 points: Offering to pop the zit on Mr. Blain's nose
-5 points: Being off-task
-5 points: Staying on his computer all class
-10 points: Sneaking into the United States illegally
-15 points: Making dirty phone calls to students all evening from his classroom phone
-20 points: Staying in the classroom after school hours
-10 points: Stealing bag of carrots from Mr. Fallin and laffing about it, even though Mr. Fallin doesn't even know him and doesn't think it's funny either




Mercredi, 4th Février
-30 points: Making inappropriate remarks
-40 points: Assigning unacceptable warm-ups
-50 points: Asking us "WHERE DOES GO IL?"
-20 points: Having an Aunt Bertha
-10 points: Drawing bright coloured rainbows on the world
-10 points: Telling the students "DON'T GET SMAAART"
-20 points: Using improper Englisch
-10 points: Giving Jason a "MINUS TWENTY POINT" for coughing and asking for a sheet of paper
-20 points: Flashing strobe lights
-50 points: Constantly calling guidance and leaving messages to complain about students
-60 points: Making homophobic remarks despite drawing rainbows all over the board
-10 points: Pleasuring himself to French imported silverware



Jeudi, 5th Février
-50 points: Putting bumper stickers on the classroom wall
-50 points: Letting students finish his sentences and acting like it was what he meant to say even though it wasn't
-30 points: Being a teacher in America and being unable to speak Englisch
-40 points: Organising French club that no one wants to join
-10 points: Telling angry students that "COUGHING IS FOR FREEEE"
-15 points: Turning round and taking points off the next person to cough because "NOW THEY WAS BEING SMART"
-40 points: Charging $1 for a tissue
-30 points: Charging 25 cents for a pencil
-30 points: Making us pay fifteen dollars for a workbook we don't ever use
-30 points: Making us dialogue from the same book page three weeks in a row
-30 points: Telling us we are "BOOM BOOM" and not caring to explain what that means
-20 points: Giving us "TWO MINUTE" to do an examen
-10 points: Playing Runescape when he should be teaching to us
-10 points: Making anonymous racy phonecalls on his BlackBerry
-10 points: Taking photos of himself and posting them on his MocoSpace
-20 points: For even having a MocoSpace in the first place
-10 points: Purchasing thong underwear from Target
-30 points: Asking Brama Bussell to play dirty Runescape with him
-10 points: Sending bad kids to the cafeteria even though people are eating in there
-20 points: Pronouncing Imani like "IMMA NEEEEE"
-60 points: Reading schedule in suggestive tone
-40 points: Looking up "Choad" on Urbandictionary
-40 points: Asking students where they bought their clothing
-70 points: Calling kids who misbehave "NAUGHTYYYY"
-40 points: Wagging his finger at said naughty children
-50 points: Pounding on the table and shouting "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT"
-10 points: Dancing tribal dances when he should be teaching
-50 points: Wiping the board off with the side of his hand when erasers are available
-70 points: Never ever washing his "Chalky" hands
-20 points: Breaking yard sticks when pointing at the board



Vendredi, 6th Février:
-15 points: Making inappropriate guttural grunting noises
-10 points: Refusing to let us move class into the auditorium even though the heater is broken and the room is 35 degrees
-20 points: Wearing a different loud-patterned shirt every day
-30 points: Charging all his clothing costs to the board of education's bank account
-30 points: Being inordinately short
-40 points: Saying "O, nooooo" in an effeminate way
-60 points: Making us do work when he promised that we could watch a movie
-20 points: Being a liar
-10 points: Asking us to translate sentences over and over
-20 points: Having an obnoxious bald spot
-5 points: Writing people's names down and not telling them why
-20 points: Saying "2-6-09" in a menacing way like it means something bad
-10 points: Constantly rubbing his face to see if any new facial hair has grown in
-50 points: Asking students "WHAT IS EXCITING YOU?"
-40 points: Leaning on table with butt out like he's in a gay porno
-40 points: Having an aroused facial expression
-70 points: Not knowing what the word "Weather" means (And pronouncing it like "Weh-DUHR")
-10 points: Not understanding how the human bladder works
-10 points: Saying thirty like "Turdy"
-20 points: Forcing people to hold their urine despite possible kidney damage
-40 points: Pronouncing "Grand Prix" like "Grand Pricks"
-50 points: Getting mad when students pronounce "Dix" like "Dicks"
-10 points: Having an affair with Madame Dupont
-10 points: For squinting all the time
-20 points: Playing weird clown/circus music in the other room
-10 points: Having enormous thighs + big black wumin hipz
-10 points: Asking questions in bad form like "WHAT SHE IS DOING OVER DERE"
-30 points: Asking more badly formed questions like "WHO GONNA TRY NOW"
-40 points: Threatening to injure students with silverware and telling us to "PAY ATTENTION WHEN WE IN THE KITCHEN"
-20 points: Giving people random "+30 POINT" for "participation"
-30 points: Saying "un" and "une" like sexy noises
-20 points: Shouting our names really loudly when he sees us in the hallway instead of just saying "Hello"
-20 points: Asking if students are French because they wear LaCoste shoes
-10 points: Asking where in France my mother was born just because I say she can speak French
-20 points: Leaving inappropriate messages on the guidance counselor's message machine
-10 points: Saying "YESSSS" in a sensual manner on the telephone and then hanging up
-20 points: Letting us watch movie five minutes before bell rings
-30 points: Claiming he doesn't know how to work a television
-20 points: Making us watch "To Kill a Mockingbird" after promising to let us watch The Goonies
-10 points: Insisting that the DVD player is broken when it's really just not plugged in
-30 points: Keeping the "To Kill a Mockingbird" audio running while the Goonies is playing on the screen
-10 points: Making us watch the end of the Goonies without ever watching the beginning



Week DEUX:

Mardi, 10th Février:
-20 points: Dancing sensuously/removing clothes to Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get it On"
-10 points: Awarding himself fake trophies
-20 points: Claiming he's from all the following French speaking places at some point or other: France, Belgium, Madagascar, Senegal, Côte d'Ivoire, Louisiana, Mozambique and Nigeria
-30 points: Lying about after-school French club meeting
-40 points: Promising students he'd get them Popeye's and making them instead eat stinky fromage
-10 points: Losing transparencies for warm-ups
-10 points: Assigning seats to kids and then the next day telling them, "THAT'S NOT YOUR SEAT---YOU MOVE BACK, MINUS TWENTY POINT FOR TODAY"
-20 points: Saying "24 mild, 24 SPICYYY"
-10 points: Ordering/picking up Popeye's chicken order a day in advance
-30 points: Trying to snap but failing to make any noise
-30 points: Teaching big lessons when half the class is absent
-30 points: Making us repeat words we've never even learned
-20 points: Calling pencil "UN CRAYON"
-20 points: Saying "Un sac" loudly and obnoxiously, and putting emphasis on the SAC part
-10 points: Saying "Jiggity jiggity pom-pom!" In the middle of a lesson
-10 points: Lying about letting students pick French names
-20 points: Not understanding: "Je ne comprends pas :("
-10 points: Whispering to himself
-5 points: Telling us we can go over alphabet every day and constantly forgetting
-10 points: Randomly breaking out into song in the middle of a lesson, i.e. "[Giving lesson]. . . Un, deux, trois! ALOUETTE, GENTILLE ALOUETTE, ALOUETTE..."
-30 points: Speaking gibberish and claiming it's Chinese
-10 points: Standing at his desk and telling students "I AM WAITING"
-10 points: Saying "COME" very loudly and sensually
-20 points: Mumbling "bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum" when he is thinking of who to next call on
-10 points: Making students sit on dirty floor
-10 points: Saying "COME IS GOOD"
-20 points: Calling Heather a "BEEG LIAR"
-50 points: Waxing his bald head
-10 points: Giving attitude to Spicer
-20 points: Pronouncing "The third" like "De turd"
-30 points: Sucking in mouth to make lips look all poufy
-10 points: Keep shouting at students "PRENDS! PRENDS!" when they don’t know what he's saying
-20 points: Pronouncing "Take" like "Dick"
-10 points: For licking ticks
-10 points: Giving students dirty looks when he passes them in the hallway
-20 points: Saying "WHO DERE? GO ANSWER THE DOOR" when a student pounds on their desk
-10 points: Saying "ask" like "ass"
-10 points: Asking students questions and not saying whether or not the answer is right
-50 points: Crossing legs when he is sitting
-30 points: Telling us that we can go to a French restaurant "BEFORE CHRISTMAS COME"
-40 points: Drinking in the classroom
-20 points: Claiming that the eagle on his trophy is a chicken
-10 points: Saying "PRIDE" loudly and writing it on the chalkboard in huge letters
-20 points: Insisting that he got a trophy for PRIDE when the trophy label is blank
-10 points: Putting hands on face when staring at the computer screen
-10 points: Making up high schools and telling students he taught at them
-20 points: Wearing shirt with tuxedo print when it's obvious that he's not wearing a tuxedo




Mercredi, 11th Février:
-20 points: Lying about how he got his unmarked eagle trophy
-30 points: Making messes on lunchroom table, spilling fries and blue Powerade and not cleaning it up
-10 points: Drinking Slim-Quick, thinking it'll make him thinner despite the fact that drinking four cans of Slim-Quick is equivalent of eating about fifteen cookies
-20 points: Putting smelly hair mayonnaise in hair when he's bald and doesn't even have hair
-20 points: Leaving hair mayo in too long and letting it spoil
-30 points: Calling Bosley hair restoration in the middle of class
-20 points: Using spray-on canned hair
-10 points: Making us watch African dance viddy-o
-10 points: Finding warm-up transparencies and claiming someone stole them
-20 points: Unplugging television without turning it off
-20 points: Not understanding that it only takes a few minutes to copy down notes and not the entire class period
-10 points: Wearing jeans with holes, trying to look hip
-40 points: Wearing the same vest every day
-50 points: Once again lying about French club meeting
-60 points: Wearing mesh shirts to school
-10 points: Having face dimples
-10 points: Wearing shirts with cheesy French logos on them
-10 points: Saying "The date" like "Ve det"
-20 points: Hiding DVDs from himself and asking students "WHO TOOK MY DVD"
-30 points: Letting fuzzy static screen play for ten minutes on full volume
-30 points: Banging on the TV cart to get students' attention
-20 points: Pretending to call Vice Principal to send down student for referral
-10 points: Pronouncing "referral" like "reeferull"
-10 points: Making "Tisk tisk" noises at naughty kids
-10 points: Having a confused look on his face like he doesn't know what's happening when he clearly does
-20 points: Giving attitude to students
-20 points: Pretending like he's making a phone call when it clearly takes more than three seconds for the other line to pick up the phone
-20 points: Translating French viddy-o when there are Englisch subtitles
-10 points: Wearing loud striped shirts that look weird and warped with TV pixels
-20 points: Having a pot-pig belly
-10 points: Leaning forward against table and lowering head so light reflects off of his bald scalp and blinds students
-20 points: Making us watch "Cribs: French Keeds Edition"
-10 points: Making weird poses when standing and watching viddy-o
-20 points: Shouting "QUIEEEEET" to students
-20 points: Moving students who misbehave into the seats of absent kids, claiming "THIS YOUR NEW SEAT"
-30 points: Not comprehending when students call him names like choad, cum, queef, dunce, paedophile, fruit, fag and retard
-20 points: Telling students "THAT NOT MY BUSINESS" when they're not even having a conversation with him
-30 points: Thinking that just because a scooter is "Barbie" brand, it's not real and doesn't really work
-20 points: Peeling bananas on his head
-10 points: Flushing things like towels and washcloths down the public toilet
-20 points: Buying that heavy, thick toilet paper that clogs the drains up
-10 points: Making turds so big he can't flush them down the toilet
-20 points: Suggesting that all students go out and buy the French toilet that shoots stream of water up your bunghole
-10 points: Saying "boom box" like "bum buck"
-20 points: Pronouncing "Quiz" like KWEEZ
-10 points: Having a three inch thick iPod from 1975
-20 points: Moaning "What does mean COOOOME" in French
-70 points: Stealing trophies and claiming he won them
-100 points: Trying to teach something that he DOESN'T KNOW




Jeudi, 12th Février
-20 points: Engaging people in irrelevant conversations about their siblings
-10 points: Liking the interpretive dance at assembly and demanding that all his students like it too
-10 points: Insisting that his daughter danced at diversity assembly
-10 points: Claiming that Barack Obama was at the assembly even though he really wasn’t
-20 points: Telling students that it’s “TOO LATE” to go to their locker
-40 points: Having hand gestures to go with everything he says
-50 points: Continuously teaching students the same “-er” verbs even though we’ll never actually use them if we should ever go to France
-20 points: Playing a movie with the lights on
-20 points: Making students listen to French viddy-o with words they don’t even know
-10 points: Destroying his eyes by watching television two inches from the screen
-10 points: Telling students to open book to page 133 and then getting angry at them for not opening book to page 138
-20 points: Yelling for students to “Ecoutez et repetez!” when he knows we won’t
-30 points: Being the only person in the room to actually “ecoutez et repetez”
-30 points: Making students watch the same segment of the French viddy-o for three times in a row
-30 points: Applying “Chap-Stick” during class
-30 points: Telling Chad to “Read read read!” when the class is watching a movie
-40 points: Being built like a small Russian gymnast
-20 points: Being rude to the friends of his students by asking “WHO DIS?” right in front of them
-20 points: Referring to kids called Cody and Michelle even though our class has nobody by that name
-10 points: Talking about his “Boyfriend”
-10 points: Having a girlfriend whilst also having a boyfriend
-10 points: Asking students to describe their friends as “big and brown”
-20 points: Mistakenly calling Diane names like “Karen,” “Allison,” “Alice” and “Danielle” on a nearly constant basis
-10 points: Using Maybelline and claiming that he’s born with it
-20 points: Referring to a girl’s hair as “fake” and “coloured”
-30 points: Always pronouncing “Lauren” like “Laurent”
-30 points: Getting angry when the wind blows the trailer door open
-40 points: Telling students to “BE QUIET” when the wind makes noise against the outside walls of the trailer
-20 points: Eating nothing for lunch but four containers of the school’s greasy synthetic spicy French fries
-10 points: Calling his male students “belle” and his female students “beau”
-20 points: Keep yelling at students “Elle est GRANDE! Elle est GRANDE!!”
-20 points: Commenting on the physical features of the paintings of people in the French book; calling them ugly or good-looking when they really don’t even exist at all
-40 points: Telling us that we have to know what certain celebrities look like in order to do our classwork or we get no participation points
-50 points: Insisting that Brad Pitt is a natural blond
-50 points: Calling Dracula handsome
-60 points: Saying that Oprah Winfrey is petite
-70 points: Pronouncing “Frankenstein” like “Frank and Stain”
-30 points: Not knowing how to say “onomatopoeia” in French
-40 points: Calling Britney Spears “belle” and repeating over and over again that she is “Vear brutey” (???)
-50 points: Assuming that just because students are in different class periods, they can’t be friends with each other
-40 points: Making fun of blonds even though he doesn’t even have hair
-10 points: Being out of control
-20 points: Insulting students’ intelligence when he’s really the biggest doofus in the classroom
-30 points: Making fake laugh and having incredibly small teeth
-20 points: Forgetting students’ names when he’s been with us for over half the school year already
-30 points: Yelling at Niki loudly “BECAUSE SHE DREAMING”
-20 points: Thinking that Mr. Clean is attractive
-30 points: Laughing with students when they’re actually laughing at him
-30 points: Having really small ears
-20 points: Asking “WHO IS CHAD IN THIS CLASS?”
-30 points: Spanking the table every 15 seconds
-40 points: Having random outbursts of Tourette’s Syndrome
-50 points: Telling us that Tourette was a French guy
-10 points: Keeping Spanish-Englisch dictionaries in the room
-20 points: Calling the assembly a “Black Assembly” and not a “Diversity Assembly”
-20 points: Only saying “Au revoir!” to his favourite students




Vendredi, 13th Février
-10 points: Throwing Necco-brand candy hearts at students
-30 points: Not getting tested for HIV
-40 points: Again calling for Michelle and Cody even though they’re STILL not in our class
-50 points: Referring to Chad as “Imani”
-40 points: Never finishing his own sentences
-60 points: Making students take eight-page test with duplicate/repeated pages
-40 points: Not pronouncing “T” at the end of words
-50 points: Claiming that he plans to grade students’ papers from 6AM-9PM on Saturday
-30 points: Pronouncing Zach like “Sack”
-20 points: Yelling “YOU NO EAT DRINK IN VE CLASSROOM”
-30 points: Referring to Chad as “Boo”
-20 points: Saying he has a daughter named Denzel
-10 points: Serenading students with “A-Millie”
-20 points: Wanting to kiss students’ boo-boos and make them better
-30 points: Scratching balls from the inside of his pocket
-40 points: Wishing he was in the Fratelli family
-20 points: Making us watch The Goonies with noisy, scratchy VCR
-10 points: Hiding stiffs in supply closet
-20 points: Throwing cold pizza at students
-30 points: Somehow thinking that when students refer to the city of “Buffalo,” they are talking about our own city
-40 points: Thinking a plane crashed in our town on Friday morning
-30 points: Suspiciously sitting at back desk and doing nothing while students watch a movie
-50 points: Thinking every student who gets called to the office is suspended
-40 points: Saying that he was one of the kids in The Goonies even though none of them were black
-20 points: Puffing cheeks out all the time
-30 points: Keeping sexual torture devices in supply closet behind the stiffs
-30 points: Rubbing peoples’ violin shoulder rests all over his body
-20 points: Writing kids referrals for being late to class one time
-10 points: Making his own candy hearts with phrases like “BIG BOY” and “GREASE ME UP”
-20 points: Trying to make candy hearts in his kitchen with French sayings on them
-30 points: Wearing tight t-shirts that say “Baby girl” in sparkly letters
-40 points: Having a bumper sticker on his car that says “Maman’s Boy”
-30 points: Leaving classroom for fifteen minutes without telling students where he is going
-20 points: Making the class have a test when ¾ of the students are on a field trip
-40 points: Being attracted to “Chunk” in The Goonies
-10 points: Making a smoothie out of Crystal Light and naughty students’ tongues
-20 points: Singing French operas by Bizet very loudly in the middle of lessons
-30 points: Taking The Goonies too seriously and going on his own hunt for Willy’s treasure
-40 points: Thinking that there is a 12th period
-50 points: Sending candy grams to all his students
-50 points: Getting upset when he doesn’t get any in return
-40 points: Being the only person to laugh at the end of “The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas”
-20 points: At first thinking the title of aforementioned movie is “The Boy and the Striped Pastrami”
-30 points: Thinking that the pogroms were people who came to America from England during the 17th century




Week TROIS:
Mardi, 17th Février
-20 points: Wearing thong underwear over spandex the day after superhero day
-30 points: Wearing superhero suit under regular school clothes
-40 points: Organising trips to Ivory Coast embassy without getting the school’s permission
-10 points: Making students bring lunch to a restaurant
-10 points: Making all French students take four short buses to Ivory Coast embassy
-20 points: Telling us his hot cocoa is getting cold
-30 points: Refusing to let Ross go to the bathroom for “lady problems”
-80 points: Never returning checks or money that students turn in
-20 points: Only passing out field trip permission slips to a few people in the class
-40 points: Not comprehending when students shout “BALLSACK”
-10 points: Gnawing on the French textbooks
-50 points: Repeatedly getting out of control in the classroom
-20 points: Telling students “I NO HERE TO BABYSIT” on a regular basis despite his own immature behaviour
-30 points: Wearing slipper moccasins/lounge shoes
-50 points: Telling students to shut up and calling them stupid
-40 points: Having a strong attraction to objects.
-40 points: Writing notes on the chalkboard that he copies right out of the textbook, although he pretends they’re his own
-50 points: Making us pay fifteen dollars for a workbook we’ve used a total of three times
-60 points: Continuously shouting “REGARDE ÇA! REGARDE ÇA! REGARDE ÇA!” and pounding on the table furiously
-20 points: Starting French immersion programme with French I students
-10 points: Maintaining the aforementioned French immersion programme for a grand total of zero days
-20 points: Threatening to take off points if students speak Englisch
-40 points: Sending Chad to the office for exclaiming that “That’s ridiculous!”
-30 points: Shouting all the time
-10 points: Sending children to the vice principal’s office with bookwork
-30 points: Not realising that there is a “th” on the end of the word “mouth.”
-20 points: Saying that Chad has disturbed the class and is insubordinate, and telling him “I SICK OF YOU”
-20 points: Shutting off the lights in the middle of class
-30 points: Using ancient African tribal techniques to teach modern American students
-10 points: Getting very angry at students for the infraction of “NOT FOLLOW”
-40 points: Calling Lexie “Alex,” “Alec,” “Alexandra,” “Alexandria,” “Alexa,” “Al,” “Lex” “Lec,” “Aaaaaaaahhhhhh….” And everything in between
-20 points: Having terribly behaved students go to the office without an escort or a pass
-30 points: Having little Jimmy Dean sausage/shit log fingers
-10 points: Discussing terrorists in French class
-50 points: Pronouncing “Extra terrestre” like “Extra terrorists”
-60 points: Saying all “th” noises like a v or an f
-50 points: Deciding that he’s going to write four “reeferulls” a day as though it’s some quota he has to meet
-20 points: Claiming that he IS dressed as a superhero, “Super Frenchman” or simply as “L’homme français SUPER”
-40 points: Not pronouncing words correctly in his own native language
-20 points: Really not knowing French or Englisch that well but never caring to admit this
-30 points: Making students say “feminine” so many times that it ends up sounding like “Feminem”
-10 points: Getting upset at kids who crack their joints
-20 points: Thinking that intelligence is based strictly on what we ate the night before
-30 points: Driving a moped Vespa to school
-20 points: Celebrating Chanukah even though he’s not even Jewish
-50 points: Calling students liars and shouting “DOMMAGE” really loudly before they can even defend themselves
-40 points: Finding it surprising that teenage students own cell phones, cameras, DVDs, iPods, computers, televisions, VCRs and CD players
-20 points: Ripping holes in the overhead projecter pull-down display
-40 points: Knocking all the chalk out of the little tray on the board
-20 points: Whipping papers and the chalkboard with shiny new yardstick
-60 points: Telling us to “BE CAREFUL” on the road because he has road rage and frequently hits-and-runs
-70 points: Asking students personal questions about their bedrooms
-50 points: Remembering trivial details about students that suggests stalking
-30 points: Sneaking handfuls of nappy hair into the bristles of students’ hair brushes
-20 points: Informing students that “oubliette” is a French word.
-40 points: Asking us to name all the DVDs we own.
-50 points: Using middle finger to point at students
-30 points: Having a mangina like Old Gregg
-20 points: Calling Mr. Williams “Miss William”
-10 points: Persistently hitting up the main offices to report students’ behaviour
-90 points: Persistently pretending to hit up the main offices to report students behaviour
-50 points: Acting like you can make a call to the VP without dialing any numbers and without waiting a single second for the phone to ring, i.e. just picking up the phone and instantly start shouting “MISS WILLIAM? YES? I’M AGAIN CALLING ABOUT CODY.”
-30 points: Not even plugging the telephone into the wall
-50 points: Claiming that an administrator is on their way out to the trailer, yet no one ever shows up
-40 points: Waving around something that he claims is a referral but is really a sheet of pink paper with nothing on it



Mercredi, 18th Février
-20 points: Stating that only fifty students can go on the field trip after everyone has already paid
-10 points: Giving students the same warm up for two days in a row
-30 points: Shopping online for bathing suits during class
-50 points: Thinking that the Potomac is a great place to swim even though it’s filthy
-20 points: Dressing up as a male underwear model for “supermodel day.”
-10 points: Making sizzling noises during periods of silence in class
-20 points: Burning his hand on the radiator
-40 points: Playing Monopoly at four o’clock in the morning, all by himself in the trailer
-20 points: Wearing cutesy butterfly pins on tie
-10 points: Telling students “FIVE MINUTE TO DO WARM-UP,” then ten seconds later saying we have two minutes left
-20 points: Not putting an S on the end of “Minutes” despite it being a plural case
-50 points: Having Jason shine his shoes with tongue
-50 points: Coming to school wearing glasses and telling us he has eye problems when clearly they’re just personality frames he bought at Target
-40 points: Pronouncing “Target” the way fifteen-year-old girls do when they want to make it sound like a fancy boutique, only he does this because he’s French and dumb and doesn’t know any better
-10 points: Hitting yardstick on television cart yet again and knocking the remote control onto the floor
-20 points: Asking students if they listen to cassette tapes despite it being the 21st century
-10 points: Writing letters to local movie theatres complaining that they don’t show enough French filims
-50 points: Asking which students sent candy grams even though it’s not any of his business
-20 points: Acting as though the threat of hitting up “MISS WILLIAM” is comparable to the wrath of the LORD sending a lightning bolt down from heaven and banishing someone to hell, or at least the principal’s office
-30 points: Telling Lauren to put her spitty licked lollypop back into her backpack
-20 points: Stealing kids’ science textbooks
-10 points: Calling the class “Gooooooooooooooooooooood”
-40 points: Lying to students and saying that his term “Boom boom” is derived from UNE BOUM, which would mean that we are “PARTY PARTY,” which doesn’t make an iota of sense
-30 points: Asking students if they have any tattoos and/or body piercings, despite the common sense that if you can’t see said tattoos/piercings you probably don’t want to know about them or where they are
-20 points: Not realising that Raleigh is absent the entire class
-30 points: Saying that he’s related to that ape that attacked the dude
-40 points: Piercing nose in class
-50 points: Clapping randomly and for no reason except to be annoying
-40 points: Telling students that class ends at one even though this isn’t true
-30 points: Thinking that kids can’t drive unless they have their own car
-40 points: Taking racy photographs with the public display cameras at Target and saving them to the memory card
-30 points: Giving students a surprise quiz
-60 points: Having a Tupperware container of moldy brownies in supply closet the entire year
-50 points: STILL making students watch the same scenes in Aladdin and The Goonies over and over again
-30 points: Taking photos of his thighs with his BlackBerry and sending them to students’ cell phones
-20 points: Not bothering to explain to students how he obtained their cell phone numbers


Jeudi, 19th Février
-30 points: Telling students that “WE GONNA DO THE TEST ORAL!”
-20 points: Plagiarising the notes he scrawls all over the blackboard
-10 points: Calling P-Diddy a “Great Sing Writer”
-30 points: Referring to Kool and the Gang as “Gang and Cool”
-40 points: Saying Chad is his best friend when this is really not so
-50 points: Asking students to help him get a record deal
-60 points: Taking fifteen minutes to explain the simple word of the day, mainly because he doesn’t know Englisch, ERGO, he doesn’t know the words to explain the term
-30 points: Banging new yardstick on the board like a Crazy Nigerian Monkey and letting the metal tip go flying across the room like a bullet
-40 points: Calling himself “Beau et grand”
-50 points: Saying he is blond when he really isn’t and is just delusional
-80 points: Calling Spicer “dirty” and offering to give him some bars of soap with which to wash off
-20 points: Having the nastiest, most perverted, sexual moustache on the planet
-50 points: Grasping Jason’s thigh
-30 points: Stepping on Chad’s foot and not apologising
-50 points: Saying every student in the class has an A
-30 points: Yelling that the classroom is not a playground and not a daycare centre even though he’s acting like a baboon
-20 point: Requesting that he “privately instruct” each student
-30 points: Lying on the floor in front of students, sprawled out on the dirty carpet like Burt Reynolds
-20 points: Going to the Butt Enlargement Clinic to get cheek implants so he can “Look more like Lo-J”
-30 points: Quoting funky songs by War and Michael Jackson so he can seem ultra funkadelic
-20 points: Thinking terrorists attack New York City every September Eleventh
-10 points: Talking about chocolate choads
-60 points: Planning group trips to Europe that nobody wants to participate in
-100 points: Lying to students about what his real name is; telling us that his name is Mathurin despite the obvious fact that there is a B in front of that name
-10 points: Getting angry when students then assume that his real name is Boris


NOTE: Upon the end of the school year we learned his real name –– the B stood for Bi Zan.